AMERICAN FOUNDATION How To Talk a Suicide Loss Survior User Guide
- June 1, 2024
- AMERICAN FOUNDATION
Table of Contents
AMERICAN FOUNDATION How To Talk a Suicide Loss Survior
How to Talk to a Suicide Loss Survivor
Be a patient, nonjudgmental listener.
Be a safe person for the loss survivor to share their anger, frustration,
fear, relief, sadness, or any other emotion they may feel. Or just be there
with them – the reassuring presence of someone who cares may offer a lot of
solace.
Refrain from saying, “I understand what you’re going through.”
Suicide loss is not like other losses, you cannot truly understand how the
loss survivor is feeling. That’s okay, and it’s okay to acknowledge. It is
okay to say something like, “I don’t know what to say, but I’m here to listen
to you or help with whatever else you may need.”
Do not ask intrusive questions about how the person died but don’t be
afraid to talk about the person who died.
Offer a no-pressure invitation to talk about their loss. Say their name as
you would after any other loss. Allow them to reminisce about the person they
loved. If the loss survivor does not bring up the suicide method, assume they
would prefer not to talk about it.
Avoid pat advice and hurtful clichés.
Remind the suicide loss survivor to take care of their basic self-care
needs. Refrain from offering unsolicited or any direct advice; there is no one
right or wrong way to cope with a suicide loss. Some of the common phrases for
expressing our sympathies may be hurtful and minimize the magnitude and nature
of the suicide loss survivor’s grief.
Do not assign or imply blame.
Be careful not to say things or ask questions that might suggest the lost
survivor is responsible for the suicide. In trying to answer the question of
why, suicide loss survivors often place blame on themselves. Stray away from
asking questions similar to “Did they miss any warning signs?” or “Was there
something they did to upset the person?”
Be proactive about offering help.
People often find it hard to ask for help, especially in the shock of the
early days following a suicide loss. Offer help repeatedly and specifically.
What everyday things might be adding stress that you can help within the short
term? Making concrete suggestions shows that your offer to help is genuine,
and will make it easier for the loss survivor to accept.
Be patient.
Don’t place a timeline on the loss survivor’s grief; healing after a
suicide loss is a lifelong journey. Well-intended though they may be,
frequently heard phrases such as “This too shall pass,” and “You need to move
on” can make the loss survivor feel pressured to “get over it.”
Stay connected.
Continue to check in with the loss survivor and let them know you are
thinking of them, and that you’re there for them. Remember that the weeks and
months following the funeral, when the initial shock wears off and the full
reality of what has happened sinks in, may be the toughest for the lost
survivor.
FAQ
-
How can I support someone who has lost a loved one to suicide?
Be a patient, nonjudgmental listener, refrain from offering clichés or advice, avoid blaming, offer specific help, be patient with their grieving process, and stay connected to show ongoing support. -
Is it okay to talk about the person who died?
Yes, offer a no-pressure invitation to talk about their loss. If the loss survivor is open to it, say the name of the person who died and allow them to reminisce. -
What should I avoid saying to a suicide loss survivor?
Avoid saying you understand their experience, refrain from clichés like “This too shall pass,” and do not imply that they are to blame for their loved one’s suicide.
Specifications
| Title | #RealConvo Guide: How to Talk to a Suicide Loss Survivor |
|---|---|
| Presented by | American Foundation for Suicide Prevention |
| Purpose | To provide guidance for supporting those who have been affected by |
suicide loss.